


The First Breath

by Jazzybones



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Dissociation, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-01-05 02:11:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12180879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazzybones/pseuds/Jazzybones
Summary: Fareeha panics; Angela comforts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic here, and I'm super excited! This is really just a drabble, though I may create a series of work following the characters as I visualize them. Enjoy!

Breathe in. Hold. Exhale. Hold. So it went on in this cycle as Fareeha scrabbled at the sweat soaked bedsheets. Though the captain should have been asleep hours ago, the thoughts she fought away in daylight hours ravaged her mind now. The darkened room did not help ease the impending sense of doom she felt. Turning on the lights should have been easy. One voice command and Athena would oblige without question. Fareeha found the silence to be plastic, and everything around her cardboard. One whispered word could destroy the fragility of reality and toss her straight into the danger awaiting her.  
Fareeha gasped. Her thoughts were spiraling and she'd forgotten to breathe. Her beating heart and hyper aware senses were violently urging her to move, to do anything really. The effort to sit was exhausting, and placing her feet on the floor did nothing to truly ground her. Fareeha was numb. Her limbs moved as she willed them, but they were stiff and cold. She felt more corpse than living being.  
The brightness in the hall was jarring at best. Moving along the familiar corridor, Fareeha Amari felt as though she were floating. She did not feel the weight shifting from one foot to the other. Nor did she feel the rocking of her arms as she shuffled along. Nearing the med bay, she stopped. The symptoms were dying down, though the light was still far too bright and her body far too light. The green of the holosign plate announced that Fareeha was clear to walk in. So she did.  
"Ah, Fareeha!" The cheerful greeting sounds like music. Dr. Ziegler sits in front of her computer, no doubt compiling research on pedestrian application of nanotechnologies. The doctor's face tilted a bit to the left, her brow furrowed as she takes in Fareeha's appearance. "Are you alright?" Ziegler stands, abandoning her work for a potential patient.  
"I'm fine." Fareeha's voice is barely above a whisper and what Angela can only categorize as guilt paints the Amari face she's come to know so well. The doctor does not push, knows not to. It is hard for Fareeha to open up about anything. The fact that the former security officer is here tells Angela that Fareeha is working on it. She's just not quite there yet.  
"Alright. It's about time I take a break. Come with me to the kitchens? I could use the company." The captain nods. She knows Angela is doing this not for her own sake, but Fareeha's. They must both be aware by now that the younger Amari simply is incapable of saying no to the accomplished doctor. Though they do not talk about it, there is a connection between them. A quiet understanding between the two that is palpable to even those around them.  
Once they reach the mess hall, Angela asks Athena to dim the lights to 50%. At a lifted brow from Fareeha, the doctor chuckles. "You were squinting the whole way here." At that Fareheeha blushes, a nervous hand finding it's way into her hair.  
"Sorry." With the mumbled apology, Angela frowns and shakes her head.  
"No. There's nothing to be sorry about." At the unconvinced nod, she adds. "I heard you make a mean cup of coffee." Taking the stoic soldier by hand, the doctor leads them to the kitchen area. Pulling out her favorite mug, she turns to Fareeha and gestures. "Well, work your magic." This time Fareeha gives a real smile and a soft puff of laughter.  
"Its not rocket science, you know..." Angela groans, having caught the small pun. Despite that, she is happy. Fareeha begins to act a bit more normal. The world becomes more solid. She is more solid. Fareeha's nerves diminish as the night moves on and talking becomes easier. They talk about all manner of things, though they steer clear of the reason they're up at 3am sipping lukewarm coffee.  
Eventually, Athena chimes the 5 am wake up. Angela stifles a yawn, her body long ago becoming immune to caffeine. Fareeha smiles at her. A full bodied Amari grin that puts the doctor on high alert.  
"What?" Fareeha does not reply as she takes Angela's cup and moves to the kitchen. Doctor Ziegler watches warily. A moment goes by before the captain turns around. Still sporting her grin, with dishcloth in hand she finally responds.  
"You should get some sleep." To which she adds, a bit sheepishly. "Thanks for..." She bites her lip, becoming engrossed with scrubbing a mug. "Thanks for everything." Angela stares. Then, remembering where she was, replies softly.  
" Its no problem. I like spending time with you." The words were out before she could catch them, and the doctor found herself hurriedly standing and heading for the door. She mumbled out a few weak excuses before exiting. In her wake, stood a bewildered Captain Amari. Unsure of why what just happened felt so important.


	2. Snapshot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in the life...

Fareeha hates the dark. It is not so much the lack of sight, nor the idea of something lurking in shadow. For Fareeha, it is the feeling of utter solitude. Alone with her thoughts. Alone with herself. Tonight (this morning?), she replays her most unpleasant memories. Faces of the innocent that died under her watch flash by. Civilians who didn't know her, but put their trust in the military. People who put their lives in her hands, and she failed them. Failure was familiar. Failure was as familiar as the tightening in her stomach, and the sudden cold sweat permeating too hot sheets. Failure was more familiar to Fareeha than her own body.  
With a huff, bare legs swing from the bed. Now, in an upright position, Amari is able to lean forward, head in hands. There is something, a feeling, just at the edge of her consciousness. The room is closing in, but it is not. Fareeha is aware that nothing has changed. She is aware that something is wrong internally. Her body feels too small. Not large enough to accommodate her. Fareeha feels restricted and bound. She needs to move, to do anything that proves she is more than what she feels. Panicked, the captain jolts from her position. She grabs the nearest pair of shorts and pulls on a hoodie. Fareeha quickly crams both feet into running shoes, not bothering to tie the laces.

Captain Amari finds herself standing in front of the rec room door. She can clearly make out the sounds of Hana 'wrecking noobs'. Fareeha needs company, needs to confirm her own existence through that of another. No one on base has as much life as Hana 'D.Va' Song. Long graceless fingers tap the holopad. Athena opens the door upon request, and Fareeha walks into D.Va's temporary lair. The Korean gamer sits in front of three monitors. Fareeha makes out what appears to be a space ship blasting through debris. D.Va cheers before peering closely at her left most screen. There is a rapidly scrolling column of text there.

"Tall, dark and....?" Hana turns around, finally spotting Fareeha. The young Meka pilot grins and waves her over. "Hey, come here. My streamers want to see you." Nodding, Fareeha shuffles over. She leans over Hana's shoulder to get a view of the chat. There seems to be a small explosion of conversation as the speed of the text increases. Fareeha finds it difficult to keep up with any of it.                                             
"How do you read all this?"  
"Practice." Hana grins, turning to face Pharah. "They wanna know about the tattoo." Fareeha absently strokes the curling ink beneath her eye.  
"Its a memorial tattoo. It reminds me of someone I lost." That wasn't quite right. She hadn't really lost her mother. Fareeha frowns. She doesn't want to visit that particular rabbit hole. Squinting, Fareeha tries to catch the responses in the chat window. Hana laughs, playfully pushing the Egyptian woman back.  
"You're terrible at this!" D.Va points at the middle screen. "That's the camera, and you're blocking it." Pharah pulls back, not realizing how far over Hana she's been leaning. The chat continues to scroll, now obsessed with the stunned deer look Fareeha gives the camera. Hana laughs again, the sound of which has grounded Fareeha, though neither of them know it.   
"Do you even know how camera's work? They can see you." Fareeha blinks, pouting slightly. Her sleep deprived mind offended at such a suggestion.  
"I know how cameras work." That earns a full bodied laugh from D.Va.  
"Okay, but... do you?"  
"I mean... I think so." Here, pharah wiggles a few fingers at the camera. "There are little people inside it right?"  
"That's T.V." Hana pauses. "...and also wrong." Fareeha is falling into her role. Or, more correctly, a role. An off duty soldier relaxing with another equally off duty soldier. 

Fareeha eventually pulls up a chair and watches D.Va's gameplay, providing continuous commentary from a non gamer. Hana laughs with (and at) Pharah, which suits the older woman just fine. Fareeha likes spending time with Hana. Somehow the meka pilot is always welcoming, allowing even strangers to feel at ease around her. D.Va has boundless energy and a quick wit. While Fareeha is generally good with people, she isn't great with opening up. Since Anubis, She's made sure to work on that. While it is still hard for the Raptora pilot, Hana makes it easier than most. 

5 A.M. comes quickly. Hana has successfully survived an all nighter. Fareeha yawns. D.Va ended her stream an hour before, deciding to grind through a few levels of a game she's been neglecting. The captain stretches, prompting a few creaks from protesting limbs.  
"Need some Ben-gay, grandma?" Hana chuckles behind a bottle of something neon green.  
"Oh, hush." Fareeha stands up to complete her stretch, her spine now chiming in on the matter. "I'm gonna be young forever." At that D.va doubles over in laughter.  
"I hate to break it to you, but that ship has sailed." D.va continues chortling as she adds "Sailed Pharah way." The pun is not lost on Fareeha.  
"Yeah, yeah. Keep talking. Just wait until those chips catch up with you."   
\---

 

Fareeha wakes suddenly, eyes immediately connecting to a pair of bright blue orbs peering down at her.  
"Hey, sleepy head." Angela wears a small smile that forces Fareeha to mirror it. Looking about her, the former Helix guard realizes she's laying on a weight bench, both feet planted firmly on the ground. Blushing, Fareeha struggles to sit up. After leaving Hana, she'd made her way to the athletics center. Unable to resist, she laid back for a rest on the bench. Judging by the sunlight streaming in, that was some time ago.                                                                   
"I suppose its true, then? Soldiers are able to sleep anywhere?" Angela's voice is teasing. Fareeha is not sure she can handle the sudden fluttering in her own stomach. The good doctor is dressed in a basic tee and Overwatch issue gym shorts. Fareeha distantly wonders how those shapely thighs would feel pressed against her own.  
When Amari offers no actual statement in return, Angela leans in to study the captain closely. "Are you alright?" The space between them is minimal and suffocating. No doubt the doctor is taking in the dark circles beneath Pharah's eyes.  
"Um..." Fareeha puffs out a small breath not sure if she can answer the doctor's question. Angela's nose crinkles slightly and the blond backs away. She places a hand on Fareeha's shoulder and adopts a stern business like tone.                         
"Captain Amari. I would expect you to know that dental hygiene is very important." Eyes widening, Fareeha's embarrassment triples and she wishes more than anything to disappear. She doesn't.  
"Right, of course. Sorry." The muttered apology is barely audible, swallowed by Dr. Ziegler's laughter. Fareeha finds herself once again following Angela's example, letting loose a small chuckle of her own. "I'm going to go take care of that." Fareeha slips off the bench, intending to make a quick escape. Ziegler's voice stops her.  
"Oh, by the way, don't forget the team meeting. Its at 1300." Angela points at the digital clock flashing 11:46 on a nearby wall. Of course there's a meeting today. These things tend to pop up when Pharah is not quite feeling herself. She thanks Angela for the reminder before heading for her quarters.  
\---

 

The meeting turns out to be worse than Fareeha could have imagined. It is not the assembled team, nor the conversation itself that irritates her. It is the topic. There has been a general interest in contacting the masked Shrike for some time. A vigilante figure who seems to be doing the morally right, though they stay in shadow. Now it seems, Shrike has caught the attention of Talon. The terrorist group has organized a hit on the lone Shrike. Unfortunately, Winston's intel seems to be coming from an equally shadowy source. A team of hackers sending information about the whereabouts of both the vigilante and a Talon controlled outpost. 

Fareeha knows what is laying behind the tri luminous mask of Shrike. A letter (now sporting suspicious water stains and stuffed into Pharah's pillowcase) arrived at her previous residence with Helix nearly 6 months before. Fareeha could recite the contents from memory. Though the letter does not mention the identity of the Shrike, Fareeha is familiar enough with the vigilante's movements to know. Ana never needed many words, her actions were generally clear enough. A soft tap on her shoulder pulls Fareeha from her reverie. 

"Are you alright?" Angela. Amari realizes the ache between her brows is actually from the crinkling of her own brows into a slight glare. She suddenly feels the tightness in her hands which are balled into white knuckled fists. Blinking, the captain tries to relax and release the tension from her body.

"I'm fine. I'm just thinking" The words are whispered to avoid interrupting the conversation going on around them. Angela nods, though she doesn't seem convinced. "Really, I'm fine."

"Okay, but I want to talk to you after this." Even at this low volume, Pharah can make out the concern in Ziegler's voice. "In the medbay." That last little bit seems to assault Fareeha.

...Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I've been working on this chapter for 2 months. (and it's not even long. :sadface: ) The next installment is the original second chapter, but somewhere along the way I wanted to do something else. This whole fic was supposed to be a oneshot. This chapter is meant to flesh out a better understanding of Fareeha's inner dialogue by placing her in 4 different environments. The first is alone in a dark room. It seemed important to know the scope and source of her anxiety and panic attacks. Next, I wanted to write her with D.Va. There is a bond between the two that I want to elaborate on in the future. The point of this interaction is to show that Fareeha can slide into a role that distracts her from herself. Thirdly, I wanted to play with an embarrassed Fareeha. Morning breath is embarrassing, but not life ending. Ultimately, the faux pas is understandable. Fareeha, doesn't catch onto Angela's teasing act until the doctor falls into giggles. Fourth, is actually not about Ana. It is about being confronted about her recent mental and emotional state. Fareeha knows the medbay is Dr. Ziegler's zone. Fareeha knows she won't be able to excuse herself from Angela's more direct questioning there. These are snapshots of Fareeha's mind.  
> Anyway, I can't promise any sort of date for the next chapter. Technically, I've been revising it for 4 months, so you know...it exists, but it's debut is unknown. I don't really write often, so I want to thank everyone who is reading and leaving kudos and comments. I appreciate every one.


End file.
